Tag Archives: Confusion

So confused!

Please excuse this rant but I am so confused!! I thought things were going well. But I guess I was kind of kidding myself. I really do have a habit of making situations awkward.

On the other hand, I have been getting on with things okay recently. I’ve managed to do as much work as I can during my free lessons and I’ve successfully managed to do most of the prep. work there. It just gets delayed when it comes to marking other teachers worksheets. They say its not in any rush, but the sooner its done the better so I can carry on working on my own lesson plans and worksheets. I am getting used to creating worksheets now, plus I remember to use American-English and to check my worksheets before I print them. Compared to when creating worksheets for training T_T.

I’ve met some great people here in Kuji. I’ve started to become a regular at a few places. And I am sure that the people at Lawsons are going to get annoyed when they see me enter, but they always greet me with a smile. Plus my friend likes to tease me by saying one of the guys who works there is cute and that I should give him my number or talk to him more. He is just trying to get me to have this love triangle to see where it will get me. As long as I am not put into the same situation as last Saturday then I am okay with that.

Last Saturday was hell for me. I am never going to a bar on my own again! I know little Japanese but to be told to sit with three drunk Japanese guys is the worst thing ever!! One guy kept trying to talk to me.. in his totally drunk state. Then tried to touch my hand, I shook his hand twice and then he tried to rest his head on my shoulder. This same guy told me he a girlfriend…. WTF! I am sorry, but that was hell. I couldn’t understand what they were saying most of the time. When they tried to speak in English, they mumbled. I will be put in that same situation ever again!!

Otherwise, its all going well so far. Though I think I need to stop buying clothes >.< I am trying to blend in by buying Japanese style clothes.. but they are so pretty anyway that I can't help it! I've even made a friend in one of the clothes shops I go to. She came up to me on Sunday and asked for my name. Sadly, I have kind of forgotten her name. But its lovely how she came up to me and spoke to me in English. Maybe I should ask her where is the best places to go in Kuji, she can be my like tour guide 😛

Nothing is worse than

Its so strange that after being single for a year and a half now, I am so confused over how guys think. Nothing is worse than being confused like this. I thought that growing up with only two brothers would be a good thing. At least I might be able to understand. But its totally not the case. Its probably just it worse as I still don’t fully understand my brothers.

I do know that I have a tendency to over think things. Plus I was just looking online about stopping over thinking.. and the first step is:

Avoid situations and people that can lead to overthinking. You can do this based on history – you can probably determine which situations are going to keep you up at night unnecessarily. Or do this based on how something makes you feel prior to participating. This takes some self-awareness, but it isn’t unlike what an alcoholic has to do in order to stay sober. They avoid the people, places, and things that put them into that mental state.

“They avoid the people… that put them into that mental state”. Maybe it might help to stay away from the person I like. Probably a good thing. Nothing is ever going to become of liking them anyway. I am sure that I have have the aura that scares men into thinking that I will be a horrible girlfriend. So they want to stay friends. I used to always think that I would always be alone. At least when I was thinking that, I was happier compared to now. It must have done me some good. If I do give off said aura, then it would be nice to know. A friend told me I am an amazing person etc.. but I really don’t see it. But if any one tells me that they attracted to me because of my personality not for my looks one more time. I will seriously kick them in the nuts. People think its great to be attracted on what is on the inside. But in all honesty, people want to hear they are beautiful by the person they like. I’ve never had someone like me because I’m pretty (still can’t used to saying that about me), so what reason do I have to believe that I am. My friends are different of course. It would just be nice to have someone to help boost my confidence a bit more rather than destroy it.

Anyway… Why do men confuse me? When I think that I am getting to know someone really well and it could progress even more, they drop the “its not you, its me” line. The fake line that really pisses me off. The line that really means “Its because I am really not attracted you as your not attractive enough but I will try to let you down gently”. The line that should never have come into existence!  Yes, people try to do the right thing, but doing the absolute wrong thing. Never should anyone use this line if you wish to remain friends either. It makes a person feel like they back-up-, back-up, last resort back-up. If you are really going to toy with a person’s feeling, then you may try to use this line. But be warned that you always been perceived as the ass-hole who used ‘that line’ with the added bonus of being kicked where if freaking hurts!

Also, I am really not liking the “FRIENDZONE” tactic either. The zone that I have been put in most of my life. This zone is getting a little boring. Its also the reason why I am really hating Men right now. Rejection is a bitch with being  FRIENDZONED as its whore of a cousin. Why do people bother with this zone?? Again, its toying with someone’s emotions and its a bastard! “I don’t see you in that/I am not looking for a relationship right now, so can we just be good friends?!” The rhetorical question that really puts the knife in someone’s heart. The question that instantly makes me think of Juliet when she sees Romeo dead laying next to her and her only hope is to commit suicide. That happy dagger that would really be the icing on the cake and would also be a better way to knock someone down when they are already down. You may seem like your letting someone down gently… when you really just killed them inside and stepped them even further onto the road of depression. Seriously, do people not even think about this when they FRIENDZONE someone?????

I think those two lines are the lines I dread to hear the most. I really don’t want to hear them because you know that only go together, if you hear one, then the other is only just round the corner. It then seals your fate of a doomed existence. Instead, I just say “Don’t worry about it” or “It doesn’t matter” I would rather stop you than have to hear those two lines one more freaking time! Its just confusing when you try to reject us by staying friends and give us hope that something might happen in the future.

So please guy’s, try to just at least do something right and don’t use these lines!! You are not really doing anyone any favours if you do!