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Greetings from Japan!

farewell/Good luck cars

Greetings from Japan!!

The past two weeks has been rather surreal. I still think I am really in the UK but only the primary language is different. Of course there was a lot of trouble in actually getting here. I will never be flying via British Airways ever again! I am really disappointed in the fact I was not allowed to fly the day I wanted. I arrived to training a day late; however I wasn’t the only one so I felt a little better after hearing that. Although, seeing as training already started, that meant that I didn’t have any time to get rid of the jet lag and adjust to Japanese time. For the first week I had very little sleep at around 4-5 hours as I kept waking up around 3:30am or 4:30am. I was able to sleep better in Morioka. I think it was because the training was more relaxed and I felt less pressured to do the tasks. However, I was able to meet the most amazing group of people ever. As well as making friends with other Brits who are venturing off to other parts of Japan and the two other British ALTs who are in Iwate Prefecture. I was able to make really close friends in Morioka and I do miss their company over the past couple of days.

However, since I’ve moved to Kuji-shi, I’ve managed to feel more at home. I have been meeting other ALTs every day and have gotten to know most of them rather well. Having that little support group has really helped me. Plus it helps that they speak better Japanese than me. Although I have been told that I am more than a beginner at Japanese then I am. I don’t know if that is true. But I hope to improve at least over the next two years.

Today was a very big day for me. I introduced myself to the Board of Education in Kuji. I did feel a little out of place as I kind of interacted with people but I mostly just sat there quietly and tried to listen to what people were saying. Then I was taken by my IC (Independent Contractors or “Helpers”) to my schools to greet the Principle, Vice Principle and the head of the English Department.

The first School I went to was one of the JHS’, it seems like a very big school and I have still yet to find out which classes I will be teaching. But the Head of English seems very nice and supportive. I even introduced myself to the teachers in the staff room in Japanese. I didn’t really expect it but they all smiled at me and that made me feel so at ease.

The JHS I went to was very small in comparison. I think there is a total of 50 students through out the entire school. The 2nd and 3rd years only consist of 15 students in each year. Very small indeed, but that means I get to learn less names. I was shown my desk in the teaching room. It really made me feel like part of the small group of staff. I was even given a tour of the school and spoke to the 3rd years. They seem like a nice group. I think I might even get to help decorate the English room as it seems pretty bare at the moment.

Then lastly, after a 50 minute drive I arrived at the HS I will be working at. It is definitely the largest school of the three. Everyone seemed to be interested in this new Gaijin (Foreigner) in their school. Students were staring at me and smiling, to which I smiled back. Two female students seemed very happy to see me and said Hello to me. It is so strange to be treated this way. I was shown where my desk would be and introduced to the two other English teachers I will be working with.

I did have an interesting chat with my IC about holidays and going home. They suggested that I stay in Japan for the summer as I will be able to cope with that. However, going back to the UK during winter may be an idea. It gets cold in Japan and it is easier to get depressed during that period of time. Especially if I wish to stay in Japan for two years or more, going back home for a holiday will help.

Who knows what will happen over the coming year. But at least the first part of the greetings is out of the way. It’s the next part which is going to be embarrassing as it’s a greeting to the Students during assembly. I’ve heard stores that the students do something to greet the new teacher before they introduce themselves in English to everyone. I am so glad I have experience in being in front of a large group of people. However, that has been either singing or dancing. It has never been talking about oneself.

So wish me luck!!

 

 

Its Karma Bitch!

Looking through my fb history and I’ve got to admit. Damn have I been through a lot of shit! A failed longterm relationship and broken friendships, becoming an outcast, being rejected and struggling with personal problems.

But look at where this biatch is now! I got through all that and ended up making my dreams come true. If that isn’t a slap in face to all those bastards who ruined my life.. then I hope karma comes and bites you in the ass!! Its karma Bitch!

Nothing is worse than

Its so strange that after being single for a year and a half now, I am so confused over how guys think. Nothing is worse than being confused like this. I thought that growing up with only two brothers would be a good thing. At least I might be able to understand. But its totally not the case. Its probably just it worse as I still don’t fully understand my brothers.

I do know that I have a tendency to over think things. Plus I was just looking online about stopping over thinking.. and the first step is:

Avoid situations and people that can lead to overthinking. You can do this based on history – you can probably determine which situations are going to keep you up at night unnecessarily. Or do this based on how something makes you feel prior to participating. This takes some self-awareness, but it isn’t unlike what an alcoholic has to do in order to stay sober. They avoid the people, places, and things that put them into that mental state.

“They avoid the people… that put them into that mental state”. Maybe it might help to stay away from the person I like. Probably a good thing. Nothing is ever going to become of liking them anyway. I am sure that I have have the aura that scares men into thinking that I will be a horrible girlfriend. So they want to stay friends. I used to always think that I would always be alone. At least when I was thinking that, I was happier compared to now. It must have done me some good. If I do give off said aura, then it would be nice to know. A friend told me I am an amazing person etc.. but I really don’t see it. But if any one tells me that they attracted to me because of my personality not for my looks one more time. I will seriously kick them in the nuts. People think its great to be attracted on what is on the inside. But in all honesty, people want to hear they are beautiful by the person they like. I’ve never had someone like me because I’m pretty (still can’t used to saying that about me), so what reason do I have to believe that I am. My friends are different of course. It would just be nice to have someone to help boost my confidence a bit more rather than destroy it.

Anyway… Why do men confuse me? When I think that I am getting to know someone really well and it could progress even more, they drop the “its not you, its me” line. The fake line that really pisses me off. The line that really means “Its because I am really not attracted you as your not attractive enough but I will try to let you down gently”. The line that should never have come into existence!  Yes, people try to do the right thing, but doing the absolute wrong thing. Never should anyone use this line if you wish to remain friends either. It makes a person feel like they back-up-, back-up, last resort back-up. If you are really going to toy with a person’s feeling, then you may try to use this line. But be warned that you always been perceived as the ass-hole who used ‘that line’ with the added bonus of being kicked where if freaking hurts!

Also, I am really not liking the “FRIENDZONE” tactic either. The zone that I have been put in most of my life. This zone is getting a little boring. Its also the reason why I am really hating Men right now. Rejection is a bitch with being  FRIENDZONED as its whore of a cousin. Why do people bother with this zone?? Again, its toying with someone’s emotions and its a bastard! “I don’t see you in that/I am not looking for a relationship right now, so can we just be good friends?!” The rhetorical question that really puts the knife in someone’s heart. The question that instantly makes me think of Juliet when she sees Romeo dead laying next to her and her only hope is to commit suicide. That happy dagger that would really be the icing on the cake and would also be a better way to knock someone down when they are already down. You may seem like your letting someone down gently… when you really just killed them inside and stepped them even further onto the road of depression. Seriously, do people not even think about this when they FRIENDZONE someone?????

I think those two lines are the lines I dread to hear the most. I really don’t want to hear them because you know that only go together, if you hear one, then the other is only just round the corner. It then seals your fate of a doomed existence. Instead, I just say “Don’t worry about it” or “It doesn’t matter” I would rather stop you than have to hear those two lines one more freaking time! Its just confusing when you try to reject us by staying friends and give us hope that something might happen in the future.

So please guy’s, try to just at least do something right and don’t use these lines!! You are not really doing anyone any favours if you do!

Bitch please.. I don’t care!

I AM A GOTH AND PROUD OF IT!!! No matter how hard you can try and give me a mouthful about why I dress the way I do but it won’t mean jack to me. You can’t try and change me so don’t bother. I love black, I love wearing black and I love listening to music that is played by true musicians!

Yes I also like to listen to Korean and Japanese music. I love the culture and the music. At least I’ve tried to learn a language and admire how they respect each other. That’s more than I can say about the dumb pricks in British society who don’t know how to behave around other people. They only give a shit about themselves. How about actually learning how to respect other people and take note of your actions?!

I know I’m not perfect but at least I’m not a dick to everyone else. You either like me or you hate me. Just don’t bitch about me behind my back. Because I’m strong enough to confront you and ask you what you don’t like about me. Not that it influence my actions to suit you. I’ve had enough of that shit. Done that for the past 26 years of me life. Not going to do it any more.

I’m Alive!!

Oh yes, I am still very much alive. Well at least I hope I am. Otherwise I’m sure thing are still going on fine without me. I’ve been so busy with my new Job that its very much a big part of my life at the moment. I’m working to help pay back my parents. And they are being supportive at the moment. I can’t wait till I can fully repay them. But I still have to see if I am able to get more contracted hours at work first before I can be really happy. As 14 hours a week just isn’t going to help much. Might pay back the mortgage, but that isn’t including all the bills I am going to have to pay. But I am really enjoying myself. So I really can’t complain. Everyone is so nice to not only the customers but other partners (its a working partnership company ^__^ ). So thats probably why everyone gets on and tries to do the work to the best of their abilities. Although there is some who still need to get used to things. But it will be easier come January, when we don’t have to worry about the Christmas rush. oooooohhhhhhhhhh I got my first real Commission!! I’m so excited but nervous at the same time. I have a fellow partner at work who has giving me some photo’s which he would like to be digitally re-do for him. He has very generously given me £30 to draw the image and is willing to pay for a photo frame on top of that too. OMG! I’m so nervous about doing it really well so he doesn’t regret paying me to do it for him :XD: I really hope it doesn’t result in a complete and utter disaster! I will be trying my best, I just hope I don’t over do it! Its strange actually being paid for some thing that I wouldn’t normally get someone to pay me to do. On here, DA, I’m used to just getting requests and not being paid to do it. I guess it really does make a bigger impact on how you go about things. I’ve started the piece but thats only the basic skin layer first. But I hope I can complete it before Christmas. Get the frame. And print it off at such a good quality that its worth £30. Maybe its just being really nervous about doing this project… My colleague did say, that I could make a living out of doing it. But being an artist, I am my worst critic and I don’t think I’m at such a level where my work is worthy to be paid for. But I can’t say that to a customer. I don’t want them to lack faith in me. Thats just bad business XD Otherwise, sorry to those who usually read my KHR chapter journal entries, I have been reading but I’m working so much (did 45 hours at work last week :XD:) that I don’t even have enough to catch up with the anime and manga that I’m following. I feel so behind on everything. I don’t really know what to do with my spare time that I do have.

Its Sure Been a While

Well there has been a lot of things for me to deal with recently. And its finally caught up with me after so long of having been pushed aside. There has been a lot of personal problems along with some financial obstacles. But with one only being true to oneself, pushing things to one side and trying to avoid dealing with it has proven to finally come to a standstill. I’ve only been able to bury my head in drawing pictures and now its time to stop. If I could draw pictures for a living, then that would be great. But I lack confidence to sell any work that I do.

I’ve been looking for some kind of work. However, it seems that no one really wants to hire me. I guess my CV/resume must be really bad. Maybe looking for an office job was a bad choice. I should just do something I have experience in, which is either dancing or working at a restaurant. Not really much choice. But it seems that is no one who can really help me decide. I’ve become pathetic in my oldish age.

Once a loner, always a loner right?

Thats what it feels like at the moment. I know isolating myself in my own bedroom is really not helping but I fail to feel the need to do anything else when others don’t seem to understand me that well. I’m not an open book that everyone gets. I’m strange in more ways than one.